I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
