He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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