Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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