be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
