I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
