Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
