she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
