Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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