alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
