With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
