my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
