I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize