I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
