haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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