have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How does it feel to date your dad?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
