I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
do nipples grow back?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
