I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
there is glitter all over my balls
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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