I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
