Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
