the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
