He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
