Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
