How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize