It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
