i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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