i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
