So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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