Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
