I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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