just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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