dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
