I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
