when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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