you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
