dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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