uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
