at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
