Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
