Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
