I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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