if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
