Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
