Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
