you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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