Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize