I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
