Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
