My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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