Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
