she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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