The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and she was petting her beer can
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
