This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
