Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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