My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
