Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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