Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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