There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
