I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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