Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
