so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
