last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
