he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
